Is Ragnar the New King Arthur?

Recently the History channel started airing a new television show called Vikings. Set in the 700s-800s, Vikings is a historical drama based on mythology and storytelling. This show is at times violent and other times NSFW for other reasons; but its interesting storytelling and has characters you're automatically invested in. Since it's created by the History channel the bar for realistic portrayal is higher and at times not met, but not so missed that a viewer is disgusted and refuses to watch any further.

The main point of this post though is about the focus of the show. The main protagonist is Ragnar, and up and coming Viking leader who at times echoes a similar mythology to that of King Arthur. His wife and his brother (blood brother or brother in war - idk) have an awkward relationship which might lead to a love triangle of sorts. He is well liked by his peers and makes a good war-band leader. In addition to these things, he must overcome the spineless and do-anything-to-stay-in-power earl who controls his village. But in the process of this he must also appear to be the better man and therefore win the hearts of the show's viewers much like the stories of King Arthur have won the hearts of children for hundreds of years.



Ultimately, when I pose the question is he the new King Arthur, the similarity is primarily based in the popularity of the character. Not just in how popular he is among his peers but how popular this character might become among the general viewing public. If this show becomes popular enough then maybe tales of Ragnar will spread through current generations like tales of King Arthur spread through previous generations. Probably not, but it's interesting to think about.

Black History Month

      Recently a friend of mine and I had a conversation about the relevance of Black History month. While trying to explain that in my opinion BHm is helpful to reinforce the teaching of Black History in schools, he then asked if we should have a White History month. I laughed pretty hard at that. As a historian I've never been shy of my opinion of "white" history; be it the misrepresentation of history through white historians or the prevalence of white history at the expense of the histories of other groups and races. Technically, every other month of the year is White History month so why publicize it by actually assigning it to only one? I'm not saying I agree with White History being so prevalent in American schools and still dominant in what history is being explored and currently published. I think that every voice throughout history should be heard without bias and without restriction. It's amazing that we consider women's history, Mexican-American history, and Native American history as being "new-ish" areas of historic exploration. These groups have been around since the beginning of "white history" but their accomplishments and events have been overshadowed by "the man." As this Black History month comes to a close, I think it's important to reflect on both what Black History month means and how much further historians must come to explore and expose the histories of groups other than white men.

     Here's some tidbits about Black History month from Wikipedia for those of you who are interested:

     Black History Month, also known as African-American History Month in America, is an annual observance in the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom for remembrance of important people and events in the history of the African diaspora. It is celebrated annually in the United States[1] and Canada[2] in February and the United Kingdom[3] in October.
     Black History Month was created in 1926 in the United States, when historian Carter G. Woodson and the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History announced the second week of February to be "Negro History Week". This week was chosen because it marked the birthday of both Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass. Woodson created the holiday with the hope that it eventually be eliminated when black history became fundamental to American history.
     In 1976, the federal government acknowledged the expansion of Black History Week to Black History Month by the leaders of the Black United Students at Kent State University in February of 1969. The first celebration of Black History Month occurred at Kent State in February of 1970. Six years later during the bicentennial, the expansion of Negro History Week to Black History Month was recognized by the U.S. government. Gerald Ford spoke in regards to this, urging Americans to "seize the opportunity to honor the too-often neglected accomplishments of black Americans in every area of endeavor throughout our history."

     Lastly, some people complain that Black History month attempts to separate Black history from American history but I disagree. I think that each February we are reminded to explore one facet of American history that is overshadowed the rest of the year. In a perfect world we wouldn't have to be reminded, but since that's not our reality I would rather be reminded than to let the rich history of this group of Americans be ignored.

Kennesaw Mountain Battlefield and National Park

One of the things we got to go see during my birthday was Kennesaw mountain. Located in Kennesaw, Georgia, it's where Sherman's Atlanta campaign began. Kennesaw is north of Atlanta, and when Sherman was unable to defeat Johnston's troops on the mountain he flanked towards Atlanta with Johnston in hot pursuit. Since finding myself in Georgia, I've been really interested in Sherman's Atlanta campaign and in the parallels between Sherman's travels in Georgia and my own travels in this state. Finally I had the opportunity to checkout not just Kennesaw mountain but some other civil war site in North Georgia  to fuel my interest in this topic. Below are some of my Kennesaw mountain photographs.

This cannon is at the entrance of the park, probably to keep  Northerners out. Luckily no one was manning it when we showed up.

This is a side view of the field in front of the mountain.

This is a nice old tree in front of the mountain.

Here is the mountain from the road we came in on.

Amanda driving into the sunset as we pass by the front of the mountain.

This is the shuttle drop-off point near the top of the mountain.  It apparently was a misty morning.

Here is another view from this point on the mountain before I climbed up further.

This is looking down to the road from above the drop-off point.

A second shot from right above the drop-off point.

The walk up the mountain included old fences and cannons.

Closer to the fences and you can just see cannon wheels on the left side of the photo.

More fences, kind of gives it a historic feel although the dogs, children, walkers and bicyclists don't really help you feel like you've walked back through time.

A tiny flower growing out of a tree stump. I love tiny flowers so I couldn't say no to this photo.

A view over the edge of the mountain next to a cannon.

The cannon from behind (better than being in front I guess).

The  top peak (left side as you walk up from the trail).

Left side of peak just with more misty view of the city below.

Right side of the peak.

More from the right side.

More from the right side.

Even more from the right side (I guess this side looked more interesting).

The mountain top was covered in limestone (at least that's what I assume it is) which is relatively easy to carve into and therefore there were several carvings around the area. Only this one caught my eye, it's probably a recent carving but poignant unlike the "Joey hearts Charlie" I saw on another rock.

Celebrating the 4th of July

During our 4th of July celebrations yesterday we checked out some antique stores in the town of Braselton, GA. Obviously we all know how much I love old books, and I was lucky enough to find two old books that I was excited about. Coincidentally, both books are semi-patriotic. 

I was very excited to find an 1894 copy of a Washington Irving book that contained many of his short stories. 

I know what you're thinking, how is Irving patriotic? Well first off, he's an American author and what's more American than reading American literature? Secondly, he's known for the great patriotic piece Rip Van Winkle, which is included in the book.

Forgetting your high school lit classes? Well, Rip Van Winkle is about a guy who "sleeps" through the Revolutionary War (also known as a draft dodger) and then returns to his quiet town, spots a picture that looks like King George, claims allegiance to the king, is mobbed and wipes egg off his face when he's told that that depiction is not the king but the president George Washington. Anyone could have made that mistake when the new leader looks so much like the old leader...oh well. Everything works out in the end as Rip finds that his nagging wife has passed since he left town and now he can live out his days being lazy and having his daughter financially support him. Okay, fine. I see a lot of spoofing patriotism in it but I digress. My second find was much more patriotic.

The Perfect Tribute was one book in a collection of stories on the life of Abraham Lincoln. Zing! Try to find a lack of patriotism with this one!

One thing that sold me on this book was the picture printed in the front of the book. I don't find a lot of old books with pictures in them so when I do find stuff like that it grabs my eye.

The text is pretty much about Lincoln arriving at Gettysburg and giving his famous Gettysburg address and then hanging out with some dying soldiers. (Like the one in the picture to whom he is giving solace.) The address itself is relatively short and can be seen printed in the following pages.

For those of you who do not care to read from the photos, this is what the address says:

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Lincoln's speech, although terribly short, reminds us to, frankly, remember. The celebrations on the 4th are the same every year. Some of these traditions were established in the hope of remembering the history, the sacrifices and the potential we all have because of what we fought for. I wonder how many people take time of the 4th to reflect on these things or how many people are just glad to get a day off from work. 

A Good Museum Is Hard To Find Pt. 2

On September 24th, the Smithsonian hosted an event, country wide, that would allow for free admission to any participating museum.

 While this was an exciting opportunity, the problem of finding a good museum came up again. I started with a search of nearby participating museums, but eventually had to search in a larger radius from my home. Even though it would be a three hour ride, the South Carolina State Museum looked like the obvious choice. Surprise, surprise.

With four floors, thousands of artifacts and multiple exhibits, this museum was just begging for visitors.

The first floor we started on delved into the history of South Carolina, with a dated but interesting and unbiased video to begin the tour. It was a very refreshing and informative take on the history of the South unlike the stupid movie at the Savannah history museum. After the video, you tour the halls in chronological order, exploring South Carolina's vast history through colonization, wars and societal changes. The next floors were dedicated to science and technology, natural history, and art.

Some highlights:

They had an exhibit on dueling. Who isn't excited by that? Not only were there dueling pistols but there also were dueling rule books (like books about the rules for dueling). The only thing missing was a guy standing at the exhibit that would remove his glove and smack you with it.

I challenge you to break the glass and take the historic pistols so we can have a duel!
I don't want to break the glass, the alarm will sound.
I don't want to either, I guess we should move along and duel some other day.

There also was a replica Revolutionary War gun that you could hold. It was chained to the wall so I couldn't flee with it, but that doesn't mean I didn't try:

Why yes, I am wearing my I heart History shirt from the Henry Ford Museum.
Thank you for  noticing. ;)

And last but not least, there was a giant tire. Unfortunately I got lost within its rubbery depths for about a half an hour, and then finally came back up for air just in time to go explore more of this massive museum.

I wonder if I'll remember my life beyond this rubbery prison...

The entire museum is housed in what it calls its "largest artifact", the former Columbia Mill, this massive museum left me with little to complain about. Although I do have at least one complaint. Since the museum is housed in the Columbia Mill, the history of the Mill is explored, and while the exhibit on milling has photographs of children, there is nothing about child labor discussed in the exhibit. It kind of felt like how Savannah avoided discussing slavery at their museum. It's probably a general oversight since SCSM didn't seem to be avoiding anything when relaying history but I was surprised to see it left out. I guess I'm always on the lookout for things that I think people want to avoid when relaying history, and I'm sure that there are other people who have been through SCSM and found things they thought were missing too.

Unfortunately we were unable, during our visit, to also see the South Carolina Confederate Relic Room which is attached to the museum. Hopefully we'll get a chance to see it next time.

A Good Museum Is Hard To Find Pt. 1

So after visiting Savannah and being terribly disappointed in the Savannah History Museum, I wasn't sure where to go to find a good museum. Technically, I've been to Andersonville, and I think that's a good museum, but I wanted to find one closer and one I hadn't been to yet.

Upon a unplanned jaunt to South Carolina, our exit on the highway boasted of also being the exit for people who were interested in the John C. Calhoun house. Why yes and thank you (I said to myself and the sign I guess).

(Picture of a painting of John C. Calhoun)

So in the lovely little town of Anderson, SC (where we got off the highway), we were first treated by viewing the historic Calhoun lofts:

I wasn't aware that Calhoun owned, lived in or operated any lofts while he was alive, but they looked pretty fancy from the outside, and anything that says historic probably means it (because who would claim that if it weren't true?) Okay, so maybe the lofts actually used to be a hotel in the 1920s so they can be considered historic, but somehow I don't think they have any link to Calhoun (although I could be wrong).

Anyways, after our business was complete in Anderson, we made our way over to Clemson, SC. Apparently Clemson is a city built around a university, or maybe it's a university built inside of a city. Either way, Clemson is home to Calhoun's home (if that makes sense). So his house is the center of campus but unfortunately he had a son-in-law who started the college and now the place is much more well known for his son-in-law than it is for him. When we went through the walk through of the house they didn't share a whole lot about Calhoun as I expected, but that's okay, I probably know more about him than I'd care to admit anyways.

(Fort Hill: Calhoun's and later Clemson's Home)

That brings me to my final point, so why seek out Calhoun's humble abode? Contrary to popular opinion, while Calhoun was a crazy mo-fo, I'm not really anti-Calhoun. Frankly, the enemy of my enemy should, in theory, be my friend, and since Calhoun and Jackson were enemies, Calhoun and I should be friends, but Calhoun had a lot of enemies, so it would be hard to say who I should be friends with or who my enemies are. Either way, history is wonderful to explore and historic homes always enchant me, so I was down with seeing Calhoun's digs even though I might not have agreed with all of his political and personal beliefs. 

So this venture into South Carolina proved eventful and when it came time once again to search out a good museum, to South Carolina I went a callin'.

An Extraordinary Occassion

As the sesquicentennial (150th year anniversary) of the Civil War rolls around, I’ve got a lot of people on my back asking me questions. Since I’m a time traveler, and I lived through the war and all its atrocities, people keep asking, “Jenny, why don’t you tell us your stories from the war?” I’m not sure that I fall into a different category than other veterans whom you NEVER question about war, but I guess people remember time traveler before veteran and probably writer first and foremost anyways.

I won’t share much; because the Civil War was graphic, horrific, traumatizing and terribly depressing (just thinking on it makes me glum). It’s kind of like reliving it each time you hear about it or see that damn Ken Burns series on PBS (Why do they haunt me? Haven’t I suffered enough?). And with the anniversary, it’s almost like living it again. Each day parallels to the past, as memories of the war echo like bad dreams from the previous night.

“If it was so horrible, why did you choose to spend time there while traveling?” Well, time travel is part about where a traveler wants to go and where we have to go. As a side note: any stories I tell you about time travel could easily be debunked by contradictory theories on how time and traveling time works. Consider if you will, if one person goes back in time and changes an event, then someone else can go back and someone else can go back and again and again and again like an infinite loop right? Or perhaps time works in a big ball of infinite possibilities so jumping back won’t affect this time “line” (the idea of line is counterintuitive) but establish a new reality. I’m not here to argue with the science behind traveling, but to tell you the policies for time travelers and my own experiences.

So time travelers (scholars and enforcers of history) get to sign up for specific assignments and are sometimes assigned missions when needed. It just so happened that a rouge group of Southern sympathizers decided to jump time and join the South in the hopes of changing history (not exactly what Dale thinks, but close). This typically isn’t allowed (although I have my inklings of when changes have gotten past security) especially on such a grand scale, so an elite force (myself included) were assigned the task of jumping back to the war and stopping these vagabonds.

At this point, I had already done two tours of the Civil War, so I figured it would be a quick and simple mission, find and stop the rogue agents. Unfortunately, this mission meant enduring the full extent of the war, fighting in over 100 engagements and losing a lot of people who over time you easily become close with.

War is hell. I told Sherman that, and then he went on and made the phrase famous.  It’s true, all veterans know it, and all of those who died in battle or from subsequent disease knew it, and especially those who still haunt the death stained ground know this to be true. Why would anyone want to talk about it? Well, we talk about it to remember, to educate and to hopefully not recreate the horrors of war.

War doesn’t end when the last bullet flies; it leaves destruction in its wake that can be felt generations later. When I heard shots ringing out this morning at 4:30am, and I woke up in a cold sweat, I knew it wasn’t some hunting accident or drive by shooting, but the echoes of the past still calling out to me.

“Did you stop the vagabonds?” Well, I guess if you know history, you know the answer to that (although I did have an African American woman aged about 60 years, who had been a teacher for almost 30 years ask me recently who won the Civil War, so you never know).

“Was it worth it, even with all the nightmares?” Yes. I’d say my job protecting history is always worth it, no matter the cost.

“Would you go back again?” Unfortunately I’d have to say yes. Not just for duty, but also because each time you relive history you get to experience the good aspects along with the bad. Seeing the soldiers I knew alive and well again, even while knowing when and how they will die, makes the experience bittersweet (as all aspects of history and the human experience tend to be) but it doesn’t make it unbearable. Experiencing history first hand is the most amazing experience I can imagine, and no amount of nightmares after the fact would make me give that up. Yeah, the memories can be debilitating but more often than not, they feel like a distant dream or a strong imagination playing stories in my head.

Top Ten Nemeses (pt 2)

Just as in all things, I like to be unique, so in life I didn’t pick nemeses who were obvious. Clearly most sane people would consider Hitler or Stalin to be on the top of their list, so since that’s a “gimme” answer, I didn’t pick them. Here are my last five picks for nemeses

6. William Henry Harrison

Why Harrison? I ask myself that every day. Why was he born, why was he evil, why didn’t he die sooner? Really. Most people aren’t familiar with Wil-Hen-Har and that is why his evil is able to flourish. It is only through our ignorance of historical figures that they can continue to spread cruelty like cream cheese on a gently toasted bagel. Educate yourselves! Here, let me do it for you. So after a short lived career as a rap “artist” Wil-Hen-Har went on to co-star in the low budget limited release film X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I’m sure none of you saw it. After his film career died faster than his rap career, Wil-Hen-Har turned to a life of violence and crime, which was very acceptable at the time. He became a military leader who slaughtered more Native Americans than I would be willing to admit and then utilized their dead bodies to construct a vessel that would propel him into politics. Even with his earlier failings in film, his political films Tippecanoe and Tyler, and then the sequel Tippecanoe and Tyler 2, led to him landing the position of the President of the United States of America.

On the day of his inauguration, he decided that he was tired of being known for how short his pursuits had been, and he decided to give the longest inauguration speech in history. During his speech he preformed some of his rap songs, acted out several “key” scenes from Wolverine and talked on end about the needless use of coats, hats and other outdoor gear when faced with winter weather. And yet, the Presidency proved to be his shortest career yet, as he died after 31 days in office. Some people think it was the cold and wet weather that did him in - other people think it was the bullet in the back of his head. I claim ignorance just as I did when the secret service found me standing over his body, pistol in hand.

7. Shakespeare

I like to poke fun at Shakespeare a lot. Probably more than would be advisable by most sane people, but this comes out of a place of genuine admiration with a solid base of hatred. Shakespeare and I have been friends for a long time, we spend a terrible amount of time together which ultimately leads to feuds. Not your everyday run-of-the-mill feud, but where families are slain just for looking at each other feuds. How is it that Shakespeare and I can still be friends while our families are at war? I don’t know. I don’t make the rules people! Stop asking intelligent questions so I can move on with my diatribe against Shakespeare. Okay, so Shakespeare’s worst fault would have to be the fact that he constantly pretends like his characters are real and that he has a real relationship with them. How obnoxious, how does that? Like the other day he was saying to me about how he and Hamlet went out to meet some ladies and I was like Shakespeare! Hamlet is dead! Frankly, he’s not even real! How can you claim to be chillin’ with him on the reg? Gosh!

Even if he wasn’t so weird and oddly attached to fictional/dead/combination thereof characters, he also has a knack for singing off-key, making jokes no one understands, and being a Grumpy Gus just to get his way. All these reasons are why he’s on my death list.

8. J. Geils Band

Two words: Freeze Frame. Worst song ever made. They must be evil. They will be stopped. Due to some considerably ingenious (if I do say so myself) tom-foolery, I was able to make the band disband in 1985, unfortunately, those that are not aware of their evil keep trying to get them back together, the most recent occurrence was in 2010, when they opened for Aerosmith at Fenway Park. It’s said that the concert was sold out, which is true, because I purchased all the tickets, but filled none of the seats, so that the band could see that no one was interested in their “music” and maybe they’d quit once and for all. Unfortunately Aerosmith was also targeted (an innocent victim) in that attack, and I think that might be what created the depression that then forced Steven Tyler to join American Idol. I’m not taking responsibility for that, I’m just pointing out the coincidence.

9. Dolphins
People often ask me, “Jenny, why do you think dolphins are so evil?” Usually, I don’t have an answer, maybe they were made that way, maybe it’s in their genetic code, but ultimately they are evil and it is up to those of us that can see that evil to stop them. Sure, they are cute and they laugh, but they are laughing at you!

Dolphins think they are so funny and that they are so smart, if they’re so smart why can’t they live outside of water? And if they’re so funny, then why am I only laughing when eating a can of non-dolphin safe tuna? My therapist suggests that I feel this way because I was bullied ruthlessly by a gang of dolphins while growing up, and that all dolphins aren’t that bad but I know the truth.

10. Lots of Other Fools
I tried to think of a specific person to be my last nemesis, but no single entity comes to mind that enrages me enough to write about at length. I guess Chaucer is partially right when he says “A nemesis relationship only works when there is an overflowing of passion between two people to thrust that relationship into a true rivalry. Yes, there needs to be passion, sweaty, sweaty passion.” Ignoring the sweaty part, here is a list of people that could have made it in the last slot if I had more passion behind my anger towards them.

To name just a few:

Nicolas Cage
That lady who wrote the Twilight Series
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Spiced Gum Drops
Ann Coulter
John Williams
James Patterson

Top 10 Nemeses (pt 1)

If I've learned only one thing from coexisting with "normal" humans it's that people love lists.

So I've made a list for my wondrous readers.

These are in no particular order of preference (Sorry Shakespeare, I know you want to know where you stand among your competitors for top place).

1. Andrew Jackson


If I was a bigger fan of d-baggery, then maybe Jackson and I could get along. Unfortunately, for him, I don't care for his sass and his absolute ignorance and disregard for equality among all people. While maybe he thought it was cool to slaughter hundreds, I still have to disagree. When given the chance to set things right in the seat of the presidency (no, I did not vote for him) he then took it upon himself to remove the US banking system and establish the first Depression in the United States. I still believe that each subsequent Depression can be attributed to him. Not sure why Jackson is my nemesis, other than my general distaste for the man? Consider this: it is said that Jackson's body harbored 20 bullets from various duels and it is also said that roughly 19 of those came from my own pistol.
2. Christopher Columbus


A man of limited abilities. Columbus was very proficient in miscalculations, mass murder and giving himself props. Most American children are taught that everyone in Columbus' time was convinced that the world was flat but only Columbus was smart enough to know that it was round and that he could sail to America. This is a lie, perpetuated by Columbus himself. Europeans knew the world was round since the time of Rome and no one was attempting to sail the world because the calculations told them that Asia was too far to get to (not enough supplies could be packed to make it). Columbus did his own calculations, and attempted to convince the King and Queen of Spain that he could make it to Asia, and although they knew his calculations were incorrect, they allowed funding for his trip to be awarded hoping the annoying man would fail in his voyage and sink to the bottom of the ocean. Unfortunately, instead of ridding themselves of him, he found America where he became the father of death to potentially millions of Native Americans. His ignorance and arrogance went to incite mutinies, his arrest and his subsequent banishment. On his deathbed he still held the belief that the land of the Americas was actually Asia.
3. Huey Lewis

I've razzed on Huey Lewis many, many, many, many times before on this blog. For me, there are two types of nemeses, those that I hate and those that I want to dislike but can't help to enjoy. Huey is of the second group. A master of music, Huey has crafted a plethora of tunes that he could easily use to rule the human race. While he tends not to use his music for evil, he could at any time so that's where I come in. By being his nemesis, he is reminded that there are those of us out there that will stop him if he chooses to turn rogue. Don't believe me? Consider his songs. "The Power of Love" was originally titled: "The Power of Huey". "Do You Believe In Love" was originally titled: "Do You Believe in Huey's Ability To Take Over The World. Because You Should." And lastly, "I Want a New Drug" was originally titled "I Want to Take Over the World Through Music and Drugs." Luckily, through the force of those not susceptible to his musical charms and a PR agent who thought that the songs might dissuade the general public from listening to his music Huey was forced to change his titles and his plots for world domination.
4. Grizzly Bears
I've discussed grizzly bears before and this nemesis relationship is very one sided. I generally enjoy all bears (koala, panda, gummy etc.) and grizzlies are no exception. But grizzlies don't like me. If they kept that mistrust and hatred to themselves, we'd be fine, but they often take it upon themselves to challenge me to assert their dominance and again and again I'm forced to fight them off and prove that I'm the better predator. As with any good nemesis relationship, our history is long and complicated. It all began back in the 1800s when bear wrasslin’ was a national sport in the U.S. Having a natural talent for wrasslin’, I made it a point to become the most successful bear wrassler in the world. I triumphed and was honored among humans, but dangerously feared among bears. Before long, my name and deeds became a familiar aspect of bear mythology and bear nightmares. Once bear wrasslin’ fell out of public opinion, most bear wrasslers had to put up their wrasslin’ gear and get real jobs. And while Americans forgot about the old days and the number one bear wrassler, the bears did not. So to this day, bears still attack me in the street, at work, at home and in public restrooms.

5. Geoffrey Chaucer
Chaucer and I have a long history of "nemesesery" as posted about twice previously.
The list of atrocities that Chaucer has committed against me is very lengthy. Not just limited to poking and being a general overall bother, Chaucer has insulted not just me, but the majority of the world on many occasions. He’s offensive, impotent, rude and he smells like oysters - all the time. I don't know if he thinks that oysters are magically imbued and will pass their powers on to him, I don't know where he gets these oysters and I don't know how he pays for these oysters. I do suspect that he told his many avid followers that he loves oysters, and then just like with U.S. Grant, he was belabored with millions of oysters and will subsequently make rash business decisions, become a U.S. president, and die slowly and painfully from throat cancer. Perhaps that'll make me Mark Twain in this scenario...Anyways, Chaucer and I are two fights away from a duel to the death, unfortunately when we duel it's only with those tiny plastic swords you get with fancy drinks like a Shirley Temple and it usually ends with only a few scrapes and lots of arm cramps. But these duels shall continue until I get rid of the evil that is Chaucer or I get tired of trying.