Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Zoology of Mythical Creatures Vol. 3

I feel like this post series is making my blog juvenile, but not infantile so I guess that's okay because this is a classy rag. Without further ado, back by popular demand:

Orcs: Considered to be the ugliest of all mythical creatures. Group "A" believes that orcs are a proud warrior race who are very honorable. Group "B" believes that orcs are freaks of nature who are cowardly yet brutal. These creatures usually appear in large groups. They may utilize spiritual leaders such as shaman who may be able to use magical powers. Also use goblins as their grunts.

Centaurs: Half human, half horse. Female centaurs are called "Kentaurides" - I'm not sure why. Some consider this creature to be sworn enemies of amazon warriors. Skilled in battle, amazing archers. Inspiration for the constellation Sagittarius.

Mermaids: Half human half fish. Said to sing to fishermen to seduce them or create shipwrecks. Said to have saved many a fisherman from a watery grave. May live in underwater kingdoms, usually a patriarchy. Known to be friends with sea creatures and may grant magical powers, but there is a high price to pay for this gift. Considered to be immortal, and possibly immoral. (And yes, she does have a body/arms, they're just hard to see).

Jenny's World of Little Known Facts:

Mermaids are the biggest aquatic floosie. Yes they are more promiscuous than manatees.

Orcs love a good bedtime story. If you refuse to tell them one - you die, if you tell them a bad story - you die, if it doesn't have enough romance - you die, if you don't have the ending they want - you die. Ultimately if you encounter an Orc looking for a tale, you're going to die, but don't worry it'll be an honorable death.

When the centaur was being created, they were first considered manhorses, but when they realized that they were being associated with seahorses, and that they were expected to carry their young (not to mention they were not nearly as cute as seahorses) they opted to change the name of their species. Here's the list of names they went through:

Manhorses - 2,000 BC

Spidermans - 1,000 BC (inaccurate due to only having 6 arms instead of 8)

Human carriers of humans - 500 BC (HuCaHu for short)

Hercules Haters - 1 AD

Centaurs - 100 AD

Greek Taxis - 500 AD

Side Kick to Awesome Human Fighters - 1000 AD

Fons - 1400 AD (Short for Freak of Nature)

Cowboys - 1800 AD

James A. Garfield Haters - 1880 AD (It has been suggested that a centaur may have been behind his assassination)

Centaurs - 1900 AD

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Zoology of Mythical Creatures Vol. 2

I must say that I am not an expert. I consider myself a field researcher who brings back the things I observe, along with crude drawings rendered in paint shop. Enjoy!

Faeries: Human in form, have magical powers such as the ability to fly and cast spells. They dwell among nature and often appear for children or the youthful hearted. They can be mischievous or helpful.

Trolls: Gruesome creatures, known to live under bridges (not to be confused with hobos). May steal children, known to be tricksters but do not like to be tricked themselves. Some consider them very intelligent while others see them as being very dim witted.

Gnomes: These creatures have been considered part fairy or of their own species. They live among nature and can be mischievous but helpful. Often depicted wearing dunce-caps although considered to be quite intelligent.

Elves: Elves were originally believed to be a race of nature and fertility gods. Most are immortal and have magical abilities. They may be very tall or very small (fairy sized). Human like and extremely beautiful.

Ogres: Hideous monster, large human shape. May feed upon unsuspecting or suspecting humans. Shunned by society for their looks and voracious appetites. Ogres hide in forests and swamps. And yes, he is attempting to eat a baby in this picture.
Jenny's World of Little Known Facts:
It is said that trolls steal children for elves to bake in their delicious cookie recipes for ogres to purchase and eat. It's a win-win situation, except for the babies.
Elves are customarily seen with large ears and can be thrown into a fit of rage when asked if they are vulcans.
Fairies are similar to fireflies - they also emit a glow at night, with the exception that faries leave a pink streak on your windshield not a green one.
Remember the game "freeze tag"? Well it's not just a game for gnomes. Whenever your eyes
"tag" a gnome it freezes into whatever position it was in when you spotted it. So if you're home alone and you hear the shower running, don't go into the bathroom because no one wants to see a naked gnome frozen in the shower.
Trolls enjoy tricks. Especially magic tricks. It's quite possible that David Blaine is a troll, or a hobo or both.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Zoology of Mythical Creatures Vol. 1

I'm going to give you some basic information about a few famous mythical creatures and then I'll give my own zoology lesson on these creatures. Since they are mythological and to some extent they can be used in a story how you see fit; my zoology lesson will be primarily made up of my own thoughts, not facts.
Dragons: A reptilian-like beast. It may or may not have wings. Lays eggs, may or may not breathe fire. Different world cultures have different interpretations of this mythical animal. A dragon can utilize different elements, hold different forms and can be either helpful or harmful.

Unicorns: A mythical creature, similar to a horse. Has one horn, no wings. Innately good, and in most folklore has healing powers.
Phoenix: Fire bird. Lives a long life then dies in flames. Rises anew from the ashes, either as the same bird or from an egg laid in the nest where the bird dies. Eternal symbol of resurrection. Has the power to regenerate when wounded.
Pegasus: A mythical creature, similar to a horse. Has no horns, has wings. May be helpful, may be wild and need to be tamed. Not naturally mean, but may be mischievous.

Griffin: Body of a lion, head, wings and talons of an eagle. Lion is the king of beasts and eagle is the king of birds so a griffin can be seen as the king of all creatures. Known to guard treasure.


Jenny's Zoology of Mythical Creatures

If a pegasus and a unicorn mate and the baby is a female it would be called a uni-sus, if the baby is male it would be a pega-corn. If a uni-sus and a unicorn mate and the baby is female it would be a uni-uni-sus, if the baby is male it would be a uni-sus-corn. If a pega-corn and a unicorn mate and the baby is female it would be a uni-pega-corn, if the baby is male it would be a pega-pega-corn. Interesting, huh?

Griffin's love guarding things, like churches and castles. But please don't ask a griffin to guard your sub sandwich, it's beneath them and you should know better.

Dragons tend to be lazy creatures who would prefer to take the easy way out of situations. They will smash, burn or eat things instead of figuring out a logical way to solve a problem. In one known instance, a dragon smashed, burned and ingested a rubix cube.

It is said that if a Ford Firebird flies off a cliff and bursts into flames, then a phoenix was behind the wheel.

Top five names for a unicorn:
5. Bo Jangles
4. Sunshine
3. GLAAD Float Extra
2. Waste of Space
1. Glorified Horse

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Wonderful World of Television

One thing often enjoyed by fantasy readers and writers alike, is T.V. Hell, they even have a T.V. channel geared towards our interests (sci-fi channel for those wondering what I'm talking about). Through the years, a few fantasy shows have really captured my interest and swallowed up my time.

Xena Warrior Princess - 8 years of kicking ass without taking names entangled with fun and deep story lines. An alternate history fantasy with lovable characters and believable relationships.

Charmed - 7 years of vanquishing evil while always searching for the highest power - love. Sounds cheesy, but this urban fantasy made a deep impression on viewers.

Both of these series are echoed in volumes upon volumes of fan lit. Although it can be tough to recreate visuals into text, books were a way for these characters to survive as their series ended. These shows not only inspired writers to continue their story lines, but also to create new characters which hold similar attributes.

I know, my female leads are always a little charmed and have a bit of Xena in them. Now, if only I could stop re-watching these shows and get back to writing my stories...