Wednesday, May 26, 2010

LoEHH Addition

So I was sitting in my writing room at home going through some old files while my pictures of William Tecumseh Sherman stared back at me. I wondered what he was trying to tell me from across time and space and then I remembered. I completely forgot him in my League of Extraordinary Historic Heroes. He was in my original design, but working on a post over a week doesn't always mean I remember everything I wrote on paper and it wasn't until I saw his sad puppy eyes that I remembered that I forgot him. So here is my addition to my team of crime fighting time traveling historic heroes:

Team Strategist and Animal Trainer: William Tecumseh Sherman

You never know when you'll need an animal on a mission nor when you'll need to devastate half of a country to end a war, that's why Sherman's on this team. An expert in warfare and the breeding of Tigons and Ligers, Sherman brings a quiet confidence that helps every mission find success. Not a large fan of warfare, Sherman uses his wits to end fighting and needless deaths. Known enemies: The Southern United States and Southern Sympathizers.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Home Vs. Work

I feel like I work too hard at work and not hard enough at home.

1st Example: At work I've been told by a patron that I scan stuff so quickly that she wouldn't want to see me with a gun. Compliment? You bet. Especially since I try to present myself as terrifying with a gun.

2nd Example: I sorted boxes so quickly today that I was told by our delivery guy that he might have to call me laser beam. Compliment? Perhaps. I don't have many nicknames. Frankly, I have pretty much zero nicknames, and laser beam wouldn't be a horrible nickname, but it was nice of him to point out that I'm fast at my job.

I know fast doesn't always mean well done, but everyone here makes mistakes and I don't tend to make extra mistakes if I go fast or slow (I've spent enough years here to know). And I usually only have one speed at work when there is a lot of stuff piled up. So I work too hard at work, and I don't do anything at home.

1st Example: No one has given me a nickname at home. I think Chewie called me Hitler the other day because I wouldn't let her climb the new curtains but I could be mistaken. And I wouldn't consider Hitler a nickname.

2nd Example: I've never been able to say: "There is not one single dirty dish in this house". It seems no matter how much cleaning I do, there is always more to do. This conundrum leads to less completion of chores and more morose contemplation and brooding. I'm not saying my house is a complete mess, it just that nothing ever gets completely done there. I think I live in some awkward vortex which insures that anything I try to complete at home will never be finished. If I take things to work, I'm more likely to complete them, but I usually have to work when I'm at work. So my house continues to be a location of much disappointment and floundering.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

League of Extraordinary Historic Heroes

I was thinking about this the other day and thought I would share it with you all. Upon much consideration (about 25 minutes worth), I've assembled a league of extraordinary historic heroes. If given the opportunity, I would assemble these people and we'd travel through time righting wrongs and fighting evil.

Team Leader: Henry Clay

After being denied the Presidency three times, Clay is devoted to proving his ability to lead. A great compromiser, he easily diffuses conflicts within the group without lower morale. Quick to use his words before his weapons, Clay stays cool in almost all tough situations. Known enemies: Aaron Burr, James K. Polk and John C. Calhoun.
While in the field, we have a separate leader, kind of like the assistant but she gets her hands dirty (like Cyclops in X-men):
Field Leader: Boudicea
Boudicea is known for her ability to take on large foes without question. Standing up for those who cannot stand up for themselves, and having a penchant for fire. Strong loyalty to friends and family. Known enemies: The Roman Legion.

3rd in Charge: Tecumseh
Known for his samurai skills and his ability to organize people in battle, Tecumseh works well as back up to Boudicea's in your face leadership. He always knows when to utilize his team's strengths, but is quick to push people beyond their limits. Has been known to take risks. Known enemies: William Henry Harrison.

Weapons Expert: Annie Oakley
Prefers the .22 caliber rifle but is well versed in all types of projectile weaponry. A dependable ally who always gets her shot. Keeps a level head and is not put off by competition. Known enemies: William Randolph Hearst, Lilian Smith, William McKinley and Pernicious Anemia.

The Big Brain: Leonardo da Vinci
An artist, inventor, genius and player, da Vinci helps the group by bringing in new technology to help them in their missions. He often stays behind to make sure the team is directed across space and time correctly (his invention of course) and because he tends to create more mischief than assistance when he interacts with civilians. Due to his charm and likability, he is occasionally brought on mission to be a peacekeeper. Known enemies: none to date - everyone loves this guy, some people, a little too much.
Obviously there are many heroes throughout history, and some of these people would be called on as consultants or mercenaries for specific missions, but this is my core crew. If you had the ability to establish a League of Extraordinary Historic Heroes as I do, who would be on your team?

Friday, May 14, 2010

Q and A is always better than T and A

I get lots of questions from readers and on occassion I like to share the answers to those questions. Here are a few of the more recent ones:

I'm an avid reader of your blog and I wondered how do you know what's funny?

Well, it's not always easy to know what's funny. As a general rule I like to run my jokes by other people and gague their reactions. If they laugh, I use the joke. Sometimes though, I've only got myself to run jokes by, so I go with my gut. If I laugh a lot, I use it. If people don't think it's funny, then that's that. The nice thing about blogging is that you don't hear the responses from people (unless they comment - and very few of my reader's comment). So if people don't like it, I don't have to hear about it, and I can just move on to the next joke.

Since I consider you an expert in all things mythological and all things writing, what is your take on the current vampire/werewolf/other craze?

Thank you for this question. I'm not a big fan of all things werewolf/vampire/other right now (zombie included). I think that writers and media are exploiting these icons just to cash in on this craze. I think it's making these characters redundant and will use them up so quickly that one one will be interested in them for years to come. Kind of like when you really like hotdogs and you eat them all the time until you get to this point where you never want to eat another hotdog again. It also astounds me that as a rule most people are incredibly wrong in their portrayal of vamps and weres, but that's a discussion for another day. I will say though, that I've had my eye on a book series but was reluctant to get into it because of the vamp/were themes but finally picked it up and it looks promising. Moon Called, is the first book in the Mercy Thompson series by Patricia Briggs. I like that the main character is a strong female, and the writing is good, so at this point (page 56) I think it's a good book and possibly a good series.But I must say that I did not get into the Twilight books, I don't watch True Blood or the Vampire Diaries because only some people write well and can work the vamps/weres into a good direction instead of it being over the top and redudant.

When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

The very first thing I can remember wanting to be was a comedian, I loved to make people laugh. But I quickly realized I couldn't stand up infront of crowds, so I started to pursue writing. While I wrote a lot growing up I didn't think of it as a career and spent time dreaming of being a paleontologist, a lawyer, a senator, possibly the president. Then I went to college and decided to be a writer. It's the easiest way I can make people laugh without getting embarrassed and it's something that has stuck with me for a long time. I like things that don't give up on me, and even though I've given up on writing a couple times over the past 20 years (I figure I wasn't writing until at least the age of 6) it has always been there waiting for me to pick up a pen and go at it again.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Pathos = Laughter

I decided to share this story just for it's comedic value. If pathetic situations do not amuse you, read no further. Or continue to read but don't bother me if you become disinterested and disappointed.

So, out of boredom, I decided to wander yahoo chat rooms to find people to chat with. I was astounded to find that very few of these people exist. Rooms say 200 people, but everyone is either a bot, a creep, a scammer or someone looking exclusively for those other three. But I did not give up in my quest, and after 20 minutes of jumping rooms I finally came across 3 people who were up for actually talking. Things seemed pretty normal at first, just chatting up how Beethoven began his career crafting blues masterpieces after traveling the Southern states with his friend Haydn. Okay, that sounds strange, but for me it's normal, making up historic stuff. And in this instance I wasn't the one who came up with the story, I just followed along because it was funny. Anyways, so before I know it we go from discussing Beethoven to discussing universal healthcare. I thought you weren't supposed to talk politics with strangers? So then there's me, at 1am arguing against 3 people (two of whom resort to namecalling because they have no legitimate knowledge of the facts to debate) and I begin to wonder if this is really a good use of my time and my neighbor's internet. It's also the reason I don't have internet at home, so I don't spend hours wasting my time online. By 2am I was over it, and subsequently went to bed. What a beautiful glimpse into the trials and tribulations in the life of Jenny.

I also realized something the other day. I'm a big fan of making up new phrases for pop culture. I like to say, when people want a specific invitation to an event (like telling them about it isn't enough you have to roll out the red carpet) that they "want a golden ticket". Some people get it, some people don't. I came up with this one after thinking a lot about the death of conversation and how no one tells you that they don't want to talk to you they just stop asking you questions (like in IM or email), so I thought a good way to address the dying conversation and determine if it is dead or if your companion doesn't realize that it's dying and is still interested in conversing would be to say "Has this gum lost its flavor"? Or something to that effect. I think it's witty.

Ultimately I hope everyone can read the stuff in this post and get a good laugh. While it's true, it's also pathetic; and pathos always equals laughter.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Parenting 101 in the Modern Age

With media all the big craze right now, I still think you shouldn't use movies to educate your children. I'm no expert but this following comic strip kind of explains what I'm thinking.