Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Zoology of Mythical Creatures Vol. 3

I feel like this post series is making my blog juvenile, but not infantile so I guess that's okay because this is a classy rag. Without further ado, back by popular demand:

Orcs: Considered to be the ugliest of all mythical creatures. Group "A" believes that orcs are a proud warrior race who are very honorable. Group "B" believes that orcs are freaks of nature who are cowardly yet brutal. These creatures usually appear in large groups. They may utilize spiritual leaders such as shaman who may be able to use magical powers. Also use goblins as their grunts.

Centaurs: Half human, half horse. Female centaurs are called "Kentaurides" - I'm not sure why. Some consider this creature to be sworn enemies of amazon warriors. Skilled in battle, amazing archers. Inspiration for the constellation Sagittarius.

Mermaids: Half human half fish. Said to sing to fishermen to seduce them or create shipwrecks. Said to have saved many a fisherman from a watery grave. May live in underwater kingdoms, usually a patriarchy. Known to be friends with sea creatures and may grant magical powers, but there is a high price to pay for this gift. Considered to be immortal, and possibly immoral. (And yes, she does have a body/arms, they're just hard to see).

Jenny's World of Little Known Facts:

Mermaids are the biggest aquatic floosie. Yes they are more promiscuous than manatees.

Orcs love a good bedtime story. If you refuse to tell them one - you die, if you tell them a bad story - you die, if it doesn't have enough romance - you die, if you don't have the ending they want - you die. Ultimately if you encounter an Orc looking for a tale, you're going to die, but don't worry it'll be an honorable death.

When the centaur was being created, they were first considered manhorses, but when they realized that they were being associated with seahorses, and that they were expected to carry their young (not to mention they were not nearly as cute as seahorses) they opted to change the name of their species. Here's the list of names they went through:

Manhorses - 2,000 BC

Spidermans - 1,000 BC (inaccurate due to only having 6 arms instead of 8)

Human carriers of humans - 500 BC (HuCaHu for short)

Hercules Haters - 1 AD

Centaurs - 100 AD

Greek Taxis - 500 AD

Side Kick to Awesome Human Fighters - 1000 AD

Fons - 1400 AD (Short for Freak of Nature)

Cowboys - 1800 AD

James A. Garfield Haters - 1880 AD (It has been suggested that a centaur may have been behind his assassination)

Centaurs - 1900 AD


Amanda said...

OMG - I knew it! Centaurs are really assassins!!!

Cultural Laureate, Cecilia said...

This is quite the classy rag. Consider the floozies. She kept her top on, sort of.