Pandas and the History of the World

I was relaying this story at work the other day and I was shocked about how many people were not familiar with the history of the world and how pandas contributed. It all started with a little book that came across my desk and turned into the most shocking discovery that changed life as we knew it.

Okay, so that's a little melodramatic, especially since I already knew the story and the only thing that probably changed for my co-workers when I told them the story was that they thought I was a little bit crazier than they had previously considered. But, to continue my mission to educate the masses, I will tell all of you readers the story of:

Pandas

and

the History of the World!

One time, a long time ago, the world was overrun by these guys:

The Tyrannosaurus Rex was a lazy creature who loved drugs, rock and roll, and HOT, HOT,

Temperatures.

One creature who didn't enjoy this lifestyle was the panda:

Pandas were peace loving creatures but after years of the tyranny of the T-Rex, the pandas got angry. The heat was unbearable. They tried to shave their fur but that just led to a lot of uncomfortable moments around the water cooler and lots of sexual harassment suits. Eventually their anger produced a new type of panda.

The red panda:

This tiny panda contained so much rage and angry that its fur became red, but being even smaller than the black and white pandas, this panda had to just stew in its own anger until the great Panda revolt of 65 million years ago.

Pandas had forgotten their long history of Kung Fu skills and took to the streets, quickly eradicating the T-Rex.

With Pandas in charge of the Earth, their first act was to begin the final Ice Age:

After the Ice Age, Earth became what it is today. The only legacy left behind from this historic event is millions of fossils and tiny, angry, red pandas:

Oh yes, he will eat your eyes after he finishes his cucumber sandwich.