Monday, August 1, 2011

The Truth About Doppelgangers

Being surprised by how many people were not aware of the existence of, nor information about doppelgangers, I decided it was my duty to inform the general public about these creatures.

Doppelgangers are exact twins of each person on earth. These twins historically are evil if we are good, and are good if we are evil. They look as our identical but are actually our opposite. Or at least that is what people claim when their doppelganger shows up and creates havoc. "I would never do such horrible twin must be evil!"

The doppelganger should not be confused with the dopplegangster. This is your twin who existed during prohibition (see my doppelgangster below):

It is said that you can hear when your own doppelganger crosses your path. Similar to the Doppler effect, the sound of them passing gets louder as they approach and gentler as they leave. It also has the pitch and vibrato similar to Xena's warrior yell:

I have a friend named Andrew, who actually has a doppelganger named Schmandrew.

Unfortunately, Schmandrew is often nicer than Andrew and while Andrew holds that Schmandrew is the evil one, it's hard to believe that. Especially since Schmandrew gives me nice gifts:

And throws pretty cool parties. Although he does always forget to invite Andrew:

But since Schmandrew is so nice to people, he's also very popular and not always available when you need him:

And sometimes it's Andrew who shows up to get you out of the well. Andrew's also nice enough not to ask why I keep falling into wells and why this is the third time this week that he's had to help me out the same well:

Andrew has also been known to compliment my crazy hair, even though we all know it looks bad. But it still makes me smile:

So in conclusion, you might have a doppelganger and they might be nicer than you or smarter than you or just a better person than you in every facet possible, but only you are actually you (even if they are a better version of you) and as long as you stay a true friend, people will still be a friend to you (unless your doppelganger is available, then all bets are off - Sorry Andrew).


Andrew said...

I hate Schmandrew.

Lame Unicorn said...

That makes one of us... ;p