Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Titles For Some, Excessive Nonsense For Others

Titles are like names but more titillating. So to discuss titles, I thought I'd brainstorm this blog post with my good frenemie and world renowned name expert, Shakespeare. Instead of just helping me, he also insisted on having more a voice in the blog instead of everything being second hand from me, and possible skewed by my own prejudices against him. I agreed to post what he requested that I post, so here are:
Shakespeare's Rules for Writing:

Rule 1: Yellowness of mine own wondered prose will do thine own skimble-skamble speech no kindness.

(Jealousy of my own marvelously gifted prose will do your rambling speech no good).
Rule 2: A true master of the pen is unsisiting, untempering, without stint – even by the Lethe.
(A real author is unresting, unfailing, unstoppable – even by death).
Rule 3: Write not of saucy pirates, unless thine own self is a saucy pirate.(Do not write about lusty pirates unless you are a lusty pirate).

Rule 4: A geck’s nice exion tarres a reader more than a witty man’s unpregnant exion.(A fool’s Folly is more interesting than a smart man’s stupid acts).

Rule 5: To get your work divulged prig from others work.(To get your books published, steal from others work).

Rule 6: To attach purchases: encave, upspring reel, lunes.
(To celebrate success: put one’s self in a cave, dance a boisterous dance and succumb to fits of lunacy)

Rule 7: Candle wasters, cozeners, drabs, jacks, and lags – these are my inwards. They dup my work. If you don’t like it, you can blow it out your kiln-hole.(Persons who sit up all night and drink, cheaters, harlots, mean fellows, and the lowest of the people – these are my intimate friends. They lift up my work. If you don’t like it you can blow it out your ash-hole under your kiln.)

He also says that now you can consider yourself "Schooled - Shakespeare style"...

As enlightening as that was, let's get back to the actual subject at hand. The title for a story or a novel is important. Best title of all time, hands down is: "Of Mice and Men" because it's not only relevant in its shortened version of the entire quote, but the quote it comes from, beautifully describes the overall theme of the story. I enjoy meaningful titles, especially if they can be witty. Some authors prefer to have funny titles and some prefer to have random titles. Shakespeare and I put together a list of possible titles for James Patterson's new Alex Cross novels. If you're not familiar with the Alex Cross series, it's about a detective named Alex Cross. The first two novels became movies: "Kiss the Girls" and "Spider (something or other)" and now Patterson is coming out with Alex Cross books with the word "Cross" in the title, so here are my title offerings. I love to write up titles but don't always have the time to use them, so I'm sharing my wonderful witty wealth. Let me know what you think by selecting one of these amazing titles from the poll in the right column on the blog. Enjoy!
Cross or be Crossed
Cross Bones
Cross Examine
Cross Hair
Cross Reference
Cross Winds
Cross Breed
Cross Index
Cross Eyed
Cross Check
Cross Fertilization
Cross Stitch
Cross Cultural
Pedestrian Crossing
Blue Cross Blue Shield
Cross Dressing
Crossword Puzzle
Cross all of your T's and dot your I's
Cross B, Stills and Nash
Jesus on a Cross


Andrew said...

My favorite work of yours has to be "Two heads are better than one" because I dont need to read the story to know everything about it, the title tells me EVERYTHING!!!!

The sequel "Two heads aren't as good as three" isnt that good, I think you went the Patterson route though :P

Amanda said...

You totally left out Kriss Cross! Also, Shakespeare can suck it with those lame ass rules :P. Fucking pirates.