Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Excuses

So I've been away, apparently hunting down time traveling perps gets busy during the holidays. And I guess it will continue to be time consuming (in more ways than one) for a bit of a while yet, so I'm going to leave you with a little tid-bit and hopefully by the beginning of next year I'll be able to drop some more knowledge on y'all about writing, reading and living in a world of fantasy.

I've got a beautiful holiday story for everyone. This should be told to many children, preferably at once (so they don't spoil the goodness of the tale), and hopefully on the night before Christmas:

Title: Here is the ultimate reason why you don't want to be left behind when the Rapture occurs.
(Don't worry I'm not a fanatic, this is just something that came to me in the quiet time between being awake and being asleep, call it a prophecy if you will, although I must insist I am not a religious fanatic I am just a fan of humor and I think this story is funny).

Okay, so you're sitting around one day, let's say you're at work and then everyone disappears, except for you. Apparently it's the Rapture and you've been left behind. Instead of getting upset, you decide that this is what you've always been waiting for, ultimate reign over the earth. First, you must commandeer an abandoned S.U.V. this will allow you the flexibility to drive around all of the other abandoned vehicles on the street and make it to your nearest supermarket to get supplies. These supplies are actually lots and lots of food, because you are a glutton and that is why you've been left behind. While you are driving to the store you come upon the first of other creatures who have turned away from God. It's a Tyrannosaurus Rex. You think you've outwitted him, and you still feel confident that being left behind is the best thing ever but as you get to your local food depot you find that the automatic doors have been unwittingly mastered by a raptor. The only option for you is to ram your way into the store with your S.U.V. and run over the raptor - about 15 times to make sure he's dead (filling the front end of your auto with raptor guts which really increase your appetite as they cook on the hot metal engine) and drive on, expecting more dinos to appear as they catch the smell of blood. You drive down each aisle and just roll down your window for your supplies and make your way out of the store with lots of food, a little bit of extra clothing and other various supplies. You drive home to your small apartment, rush your stuff into the building and begin removing doors within your apartment to barricade your windows, you know it's going to be a long haul, and you want to be safe until the very end. By nightfall, and 2 packages of Oreos later, you hear something outside your window, you check to see what it is through a very small crack in your barricade. It's not a dinosaur, but another one of God's forsaken, a zombie. Luckily you've blocked yourself in, but for how long can you survive? As you consider which is worse, death by dino or death by zombie another creature appears outside. An alien, zapping zombies left and right, he's come to take you to his planet where you will become his lifelong slave. Now, I ask, why couldn't you just love God like everyone else?

1 comment:

Amanda said...

ROTFL. It's like "I Am Legend" combined with "Jurrasic Park" and a sprinkling of "Night of the Living Dead"! Why couldn't we love Jesus indeed *shakes head* :)