Monday, July 19, 2010

Two Indelible Truths

Dear person who potentially punched out a car window at the library,

We found the remains of the window early Monday morning but saw that the assaulted vehicle had found its way out of our lot. This is both good and bad. Good, because I didn't want to have to tow an abandoned vehicle, and bad because I had to sweep up the glass.

Perhaps the glass wasn't from a car you punched in our lot, but one you punched off-site and you then brought over the glass to our lot to dissuade people from parking at the library. If so, then the joke's on you because nothing deters our patrons from parking here. Even as the patrons claimed that the glass was blocking two spots, they still were parking in those spots.

I tried once, to do as you have done, not with punching cars, but with digging pits and lighting tires on fire. It was a Saturday afternoon, we were bored to tears and we wanted to go home. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but even a fiery pit did not allow us to close (Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night, nor tornadoes, nor hurricanes, nor earthquakes, nor loss of electricity, nor unusable facilities, nor zombie attacks, nor apocalypse, nor raptor attacks, nor robot attacks, nor alien invasion, nor state issued weather advisories with "do not drive on the roads unless you absolutely have to" stipulations, nor fiery pits stays these library workers from the swift completion of their appointed service).

Since the fiery pit neither let us close, nor stopped people from parking in our lot, then your tiny-in-comparison glass fiasco obviously wouldn't do the trick. Perhaps you should have asked my advice first, before coming up with and executing this scheme.

While it's been quoted that there is nothing guaranteed in life but death and taxes, the truth is, there's nothing guaranteed in life except that people will always park at the library, and that the library never makes unscheduled closings.


Local library worker

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