Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Zombie Attacks - Are You Ready?

Most people are not ready for raptor attacks and even less people are ready for zombie attacks. A zombie emergency kit (or ZEK) is very important; being prepared can make the difference between keeping your brains and losing them. With that said, here are the elements for a basic ZEK:

Let there be Light!

Every good ZEK must contain a flashlight. When the world goes to the zombies who do you think will be running the power plants? No one. It would be good to have one of those flashlights that runs on kinetic energy, so you can just shake and glow, especially since batteries can take up way too much space and weight in your ZEK. No matter what type of flashlight you get, also consider the size of the flashlight, because it may need to double as a weapon, and if you have a kinetic flashlight, every time you pummel a zombie the light will get brighter, just something to take into consideration.

FUDZ, Not Brains.

The next thing your ZEK needs is bottled water and protein bars. You can't stock up on canned food because the scent from your beans and franks might attract zombies or wild animals. Protein/nutrition bars will keep you alive even though your taste buds might die from eatting these long term.

Weapons Are For Everyone!

The discussion of weapons is a long one but I'll try to keep it succinct. With weapons you must be practical. Will you really be able to find and carry a bunch of gas for your chainsaw or flame thrower? Also, making your own weapons is a plus, even though you can go down to the Zombie Surplus Store, if you make your own weapons you can only blame yourself when they break and you die. A final note on weapons is that your weapons must be your babies. You must keep them sharp, keep them loaded and love them more than your own mother.

My school of thought on zombie weapons is to have a long range and a short range weapon.

My choicest weapons include:

Shot gun (obviously). Not only can you blow a hole through a zombie but the gun powder in your shells can be used to cauterize wounds.

Gigantic Crow Bar. A good rule of thumb is to have a crowbar that is about the same size as your shot gun. It gives you a good area to swing with, while keeping you out of arms length and the sharp points on the crowbar is good for severing spinal cords.

Other weapons that have been suggested:

As said before chainsaws and flame throwers are options, but you have to consider the amount of gasoline you'll need for these weapons.

Axes are good along with any swords you can find laying around.

Crossbows, and regular bows can be useful, although you'll have to be a really good shot for your arrow to do much damage to the living dead.

Some weapons that aren't so effective are chains, butter knives, steak knives, rubber band guns, pea shooters, glue guns, bear traps, fly traps, bees, pens (they really aren't mightier than swords when used against zombies).

A final weapon that can be homemade and maybe be quite kickass is of my sister's design. I'm not sure what to call it (made from a four socketed tire iron and knives) but maybe the photo will speak for itself:
Overall, a ZEK includes many of your basics and may include some optional items like a radio, leather (to wear) and board games since zombie takeovers usually end up in a waiting game and as you wait why not play candy land and chutes and ladders?

2 comments:

Andrew said...

Chutes and Ladders.
Also, I believe that 4 pronged death device is called a shuriken, or some variation of it. Normally refering to ninja stars, there are oversized ones like in the picture.
Frankly the fact you neglected to mention handfuls of watches that you can set for alarms as a distraction is a bit appalling to me.

Amanda said...

Hmmm...one wonders if this entry should be written on a stone tablet or in a cave for reference by future man after he can no longer access the internetz because the zombies have taken over. Also, be particular about which games you choose because eternity with monopoloy might be worse than eternity as a flesh eating monster...just saying.