Showing posts with label fudz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fudz. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Zombie Attacks - Are You Ready?

Most people are not ready for raptor attacks and even less people are ready for zombie attacks. A zombie emergency kit (or ZEK) is very important; being prepared can make the difference between keeping your brains and losing them. With that said, here are the elements for a basic ZEK:

Let there be Light!

Every good ZEK must contain a flashlight. When the world goes to the zombies who do you think will be running the power plants? No one. It would be good to have one of those flashlights that runs on kinetic energy, so you can just shake and glow, especially since batteries can take up way too much space and weight in your ZEK. No matter what type of flashlight you get, also consider the size of the flashlight, because it may need to double as a weapon, and if you have a kinetic flashlight, every time you pummel a zombie the light will get brighter, just something to take into consideration.

FUDZ, Not Brains.

The next thing your ZEK needs is bottled water and protein bars. You can't stock up on canned food because the scent from your beans and franks might attract zombies or wild animals. Protein/nutrition bars will keep you alive even though your taste buds might die from eatting these long term.

Weapons Are For Everyone!

The discussion of weapons is a long one but I'll try to keep it succinct. With weapons you must be practical. Will you really be able to find and carry a bunch of gas for your chainsaw or flame thrower? Also, making your own weapons is a plus, even though you can go down to the Zombie Surplus Store, if you make your own weapons you can only blame yourself when they break and you die. A final note on weapons is that your weapons must be your babies. You must keep them sharp, keep them loaded and love them more than your own mother.

My school of thought on zombie weapons is to have a long range and a short range weapon.

My choicest weapons include:

Shot gun (obviously). Not only can you blow a hole through a zombie but the gun powder in your shells can be used to cauterize wounds.

Gigantic Crow Bar. A good rule of thumb is to have a crowbar that is about the same size as your shot gun. It gives you a good area to swing with, while keeping you out of arms length and the sharp points on the crowbar is good for severing spinal cords.

Other weapons that have been suggested:

As said before chainsaws and flame throwers are options, but you have to consider the amount of gasoline you'll need for these weapons.

Axes are good along with any swords you can find laying around.

Crossbows, and regular bows can be useful, although you'll have to be a really good shot for your arrow to do much damage to the living dead.

Some weapons that aren't so effective are chains, butter knives, steak knives, rubber band guns, pea shooters, glue guns, bear traps, fly traps, bees, pens (they really aren't mightier than swords when used against zombies).

A final weapon that can be homemade and maybe be quite kickass is of my sister's design. I'm not sure what to call it (made from a four socketed tire iron and knives) but maybe the photo will speak for itself:
Overall, a ZEK includes many of your basics and may include some optional items like a radio, leather (to wear) and board games since zombie takeovers usually end up in a waiting game and as you wait why not play candy land and chutes and ladders?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Time Travel

Time travel is a topic often explored in science fiction and fantasy.
Hard science fiction goes into the physics/chemistry/other tough to understand science to explain how time travel could be possible.
Soft science fiction may explain time travel through vague scientific means or just establishes that time travel is possible (without explanation) and the reader just accepts this fact.
Fantasy likes to use magical elements such as portals, spells, serums, so on and so forth to explain/utilize time travel.

While I personally have considered several time travel plots for my stories, I have yet to write one. I do, though, make weekly jokes about being from the future, being from the past, being a zombie, a vampire, a samurai - all which have the ability to time travel.

Time travel has been a fascinating idea for many writers and has been the premise of many books and I would like to explore here, my latest time travel scenario:

Amanda and I looking for pictures of kittens on the Google, hoping to find one cute kitten with an upset belly. This is not because we like to see kittens in pain (we hope that being cute outweighs the pained look) but because we wanted a picture to go on the cover of a journal called "angry tummy times" or something like that. Finding no pictures of kittens that would be acceptable for a pink bismuth advertisement, Amanda realizes that there is an untapped world out there for these such photos and by tapping into it we could become millionaires (or possibly just dollaraires but we didn't go into specifics). Amanda utilized the world of kittenomics to prove that kitten pictures would make money. I said, why don't we go into a time machine and ask John Locke about it. Then I realized that John Locke is a philosopher, not the creator of economics (that's Adam Smith) but I don't like changing plans on the fly, so we still went to see John Locke.

As we step out of the space time continuum, a surprised John Locke stares at us -- visitors from the future.
Me: John Locke! What is the principle of kittenomics?
John Locke: What?
Me: You know nothing!

Then Amanda and I jump back into the space time continuum. On they way back Amanda reminds me that the future is bright, and hands me my shades. We see Huey Lewis traveling back in time and wave.

As we land back into present day I tell Amanda a funny joke about fudz. She explains to me that fudz is lolspeak, I tell her I just made it up. She tells me that all of my thoughts are unoriginal and have already been plastered all over the internetz. I blame Huey Lewis and plan to give him the finger next time I travel through time.