Too Much

So I really thought I could handle it all. Even after the super-cold, I still though "I can do this!" But I think it's time to finally accept that I'm not superwoman. What?!?! I know, I know. I'm more disappointed than you are, trust me.

So school is overwhelming as always, it really shouldn't be but I'm feeling like someone, on foot, chasing a bus, and each moment that passes, the bus gets further and further away. I just can't keep up, and I have to take a couple of measures to make sure that I don't fall flat on my face.

I've been really excited about achieving and maintaining a 4.0 in my masters program. Why? Because I wasn't so good at school growing up, and I didn't do that great in my undergrad, so to me this is quite the achievement. While people continue to give me the "so what?" look when I mention the 4.0 and people tell me that it's pointless to keep ahold of it (just slack - everyone else does, as long as you pass, that's all that matters), I've decided that it's important to me and that's what matters. So, to be able to keep it, I have to pull back on my course load. I really wanted to push forward and take all the classes I need to graduate this year, so I could have degree in hand by January 2012. I don't like things taking longer than they need to, but I guess if I want to do it right (an not pull out all of my hair in the process) then I have to take it slower than I'm going right now. So this summer I'll probably take 1 class instead of 3, and in the fall I'll take 2 instead of 4 and I'll finish sometime next year.

I just never really thought it would be this hard to balance school, work and family, but I guess it is. It also looks like things might be up in the air for me staring this summer, (my lease is up in July and the library is moving in June) so if I do go through some transitions it'll be less stressful than if I had to worry about completing assignments on top of whatever else is happening in my life.

I think it's been easier for me to accept a delay in my degree because the more I even look at jobs, the less I find anything promising, so I'm kind of running a race that has nothing good at the end of it anyways. So, if I take a lead from the tortoise, perhaps I'll find a slower path leads me to a better reward.